My Life: The Anthology - Crazy But 100% True
Once my family was on holiday and I was about eight and we were in Rome and I got off a train and one of my shoes fell off and an Italian tramp ran off with it.

What the hell does an Italian tramp want with a shoe that clearly does not fit him?!

I lost the other one on an escalator… Italian escalators are savage.

And when my dad wouldn’t give another tramp a cigarette he started throwing bits of wood at my dad’s face cos we were sat in a bar. we left the bar.